Love in the Plural

What does a ministry leader do with this month's big holiday: Valentine's Day? Do we celebrate it or not? If you have a significant other, it's probably worth it to put some thought into the occasion!

But apart from paying attention to significant others during this “month of love,” how does a ministry leader celebrate this day? If we have any sensitivity to our volunteer leaders and our students, we know that holidays in general, and this one in particular, can stir up as much pain as joy. The love celebrated by some is love lost or longed for by others.

Often when we think of love, we think of 1 Corinthians 13. It's a beautiful passage. So beautiful, that most weddings I perform or attend have this verse read or referred to. When we think of 1 Corinthians 13, we think of finding love or finding “the one,” and we get caught up in the romantic element.

Ironically, this isn't the context of 1 Corinthians at all. I doubt that Paul ever thought this passage would turn into the “marriage passage.” At the time he wrote this letter to his friends in Corinth, he was concerned with much, much more. The church in Corinth was a house church, started earlier by Paul with his friends Pricilla and Aquilla. While the church had many positive things going for it, something was imploding internally and this little community was experiencing a considerable amount of stress and strain. People in the community felt leadership confusion, witnessed relationship breakdown, and were trying to navigate tension between genders. The community was imploding.

Paul writes, “ If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.“

It's interesting that, in the midst of ministry success, we run the risk of relational failure. And maybe that's a good check for ministry leaders as we reflect on our ministries and our volunteer team. Paul lays down, in the middle of ministry success and relational strain, this incredible passage on love:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

…And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love.

How did you read this passage? Sometimes, I gloss over familiar passages. Try reading it again…slowly.

Now how did you read this passage? Often we read this in a wedding context, but change the scene. Read it again in the context of relational tension.

Now how does it sound? Consider one more element: Often we read this individualistically. Adjust this singular perception and read this passage as it's meant to be read—as love in community, love in plurality.

Now we can now ask ourselves some important questions:

•  In the midst of our ministry successes, are we experiencing any relational tension?

I find that I can be successful in implementing programs but I can fail to check in with the emotional and spiritual needs of my leaders. I can wrongly assume that since they show up and do a great job that everything is going fine. We cannot assume too much.

Consider at your next volunteer leaders meeting avoiding logistics and spending the entire time asking:

• How are we doing relationally?
• How can we support each other better?
• Is there anything that's getting in the way of us trusting each other?
• By the way we relate to each other, what message are we sending our students and church as a team?

Meet with each of your volunteers and ask them:

• How am I doing as your pastor/leader?
• What's been the best part of being on the team?
• What's been the hardest part?
• Is there any way I can help you?
• What's the last 10%? (Meaning, what might you be holding back from telling me that I need to hear?)
• What might it look like for our volunteer team to commit to an environment of love?

Use the love passage as your gauge. For example:

• If love is patient, how are we doing demonstrating patience toward one another?
• If love is kind, how are we doing at giving each other the benefit of the doubt?
• If love does not envy, are we a team that cheers each other on, or is there a spirit of competition?
• If love does not boast, is there anything we do as a team that tries to cover up our insecurities?
• If love is not proud, how do we know when we are depending on the Spirit versus our own skill?

Consider posing a love question at each volunteer leaders meeting. Work through the love chapter as it's intended to be read…in community.

Valentine's Day can help us pause and remember the essence of declaring our love to one another. A 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love is best found and expressed in community. It's not enough for our volunteers to say, “We serve here.” We long to hear them say, “We are loved here.”

This is love in the plural.

Steve Argue (steve@intersectcommunity.com) is co-founder of Intersect, an organization designed to connect and coach emerging leaders. He is also a regular contributor to Group magazine.

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