Rules of Engagement for Men

“Men haven't left the church; the church has left men.'' So says David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. He poses a compelling argument, and cites a number of statistics to bolster his case:

• More than 90% of American men believe in God, with 5 out of 6 calling themselves Christians. But only 2 out of 6 attend church on a given Sunday.
• Adult women outnumber adult men by almost two to one in a typical congregation.
• At least 20% of married women regularly worship without their husbands.

Why are fewer and fewer men going to church these days? Of those that do, why are fewer involved in the life and work of the church? Many men have receded to the background, unsure of their role and identity today. Our culture seems committed to feminizing men and making women more masculine, and we lose in both cases. Look at our commercials—men are generally portrayed as lecherous, immoral, inept, clumsy buffoons.

Murrow suggests that men in pursuit of spiritual sustenance find it in familiar places. They “go to the wilderness, the workplace, the garage, or the corner bar. They watch their heroes in the stadium or on the racetrack. They plunge into a novel or sneak off to a movie. Church is one of the last places men look for God.” Many churches are feeling the loss of men in lay ministry activities. They are bewildered as to how to get men engaged. We may need to go back to the drawing board if we hope to capture the imagination and energy of men for kingdom service.

Robert Lewis, of Men's Fraternity, helps men come to clarity about authentic manhood. He says that authentic men reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and expect God's reward. John Eldridge, in Wild at Heart, stresses the fact that men are created for three purposes; a cause to die for, a challenge to embrace, and loved ones to protect. Both give us some hints about engaging men.

First, let men be men. Most men are challenge-oriented, not safety-oriented. They thrive on risk, challenge, variety, adventure, action, competition, engagement, sacrifice, achievement, accomplishment, boldness, daring, nobility, and resolve. How are you promoting your ministries? How are you recruiting men to serve?

Second, give men authority along with responsibility. Give them a compelling vision and the objective you hope to obtain. Resource them and let them go. Let them lead. Provide helpful guidance and support, and get out of the way. What ministries require bold leadership? How are men supported when they serve?

Third, men want to be a part of something larger than themselves. They want their lives to count for something. When the Christian life is seen as a quest, men sign up for the journey. Be bold in what you ask them to do. Is the ministry big enough? Is the ministry compelling enough? Is the ministry a high priority?

Fourth, men thrive on challenge. Most men's ministries suffer because they lower the bar of commitment. Men must stretch to reach the high bar. If you want to get men involved, present a challenge. What is the risk? Is it meaningful? Is it significant?

Fifth, find those in your midst who need to be protected, lifted up, encouraged, and cared for. This appeals to a man's desire to help others in need. Who needs a mentor? What boys are fatherless in your community? Who is underserved?

Sixth, provide a masculine place of renewal in your church. Men need to be around other men for camaraderie, friendship, training, and renewal. Men are capable of amazing things when they are arm in arm with other men facing the challenges of life together. As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another. Do you have such a place in your church? Are you providing regular nourishment to the souls of men?

If you want to get men involved, you can't do much better than the suggestions adapted from David Murrow's book:

• Give men opportunity to use their spiritual gifts, natural abilities, and acquired skills.
• Help men discover their giftedness by allowing them to try.
• Let men minister—they learn as they go.
• Give men a path to walk or a ladder to climb.
• Give men focus—help them do a few things well.
• Give men the big picture—an external focus of God's purposes and activities.
• Give men big projects that capture their imaginations.
• Give men risk; it builds their character and brings meaning to their lives.
• Give men adventure—let them spread their wings in unfamiliar territory.
• Deploy men in servant evangelism through service opportunities in the community.
• Create men-only roles, opportunities, and events—they attract unchurched men.
• Let your men make a meaningful contribution to the mission and vision of the church.
• Recognize the importance of many entry points and short-term commitments.
• As men minister, make sure they are also being discipled.
• Provide a place for restoration, renewal, and replenishment.

If you want men to be transformed…

• Provide vision, purpose, and high standards.
• Expect results; expect fruit—don't beg or plead.
• Men appreciate strong pastoral leadership, certitude, and conviction.
• Let men learn through personal discovery and hands-on experience.
• Let men be real, ask questions, and challenge the party line.
• Men need dialogue, give-and-take, and a chance to argue.
• Men appreciate forthrightness, challenging teaching, and great stories.
• Emphasize strength more than weakness, and life transformation.
• Present teaching that leads men somewhere but stays faithful to Scripture.
• Answer the questions men are asking.
• Use masculine imagery and language.
• Get men outdoors; men love friendly competition.
• Showcase your men and honor your men.
• Men love quality and excellence.
• Men long for significance and purpose.

Remember, there is a hero in every man dying to get out. The church needs men to storm the gates of hell. Give them a reason and a way to do so.

Dr. Greg Bourgond, D.Min., Ed.D. is the vice president of operations and strategic Initiatives for Bethel Seminary, as well as dean of the Center for Transformational Leadership. He is founder and president of Heart of a Warrior Ministries. (www.heartofawarrior.org).

Copyright © 2006, Group Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved.